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Madness & Melodies

Angels In My Bedroom

Early in the morning
As the sun glows bright
I will sing with the angels in my bedroom
Every verse they send
Every note could mend
This man who’s standing over darkness

It’s a long way down
And there’s no elevator, elevator down

Take a step I hope I fly
If I have faith
Taking all my chances now
Oh I’ll pay

When you come a callin’
And I’m lost in the gray
You could pull the sheets off of my face
As I gasp for breath
You could see what’s left
Of this soul that’s naked and uncovered

It’s a cold cold place
And there’s no wool sweater, wool sweater here

(Charles Dusel)

Arrows In My Side

Gotta lot of armor
Can’t get through to me, oh no
I fear no enemy, yeah

Your words are like arrows
Still won’t get through to me, oh no
I’ve built walls to protect me, yeah

Something grabs a hold
Like a lamb that’s thrown to the wolves
I walk out of these concrete walls and leave my heart exposed
Somehow I believe
That I’ll find safety
With the only one who could make me weak

The arrow’s in my side, my side, my side
Wounded were I lay

Gonna take a lot of healing
Gonna take a lot of time to forget
Before I let my guard down again, yeah

Don’t know what I like better
To be alone and safe in these cold walls
Or feel your touch that leaves me so vulnerable, yeah

Alone I’m safe alone I’m cold alone I feel no pain
With you I’m warm with you I feel with you I love and hate

(Charles Dusel)

Beyond My Means

I somehow reached beyond my means
and came back with my hands full…
but my eyes were closed
and I refused to see
that all I held was emptiness…
no wonder it all seemed to weigh…
so heavily on my mind…

(Chris Becker)

DON’T TELL me

Serve me rhetoric in crystal, on a silver platter please
Just a drop of battered milk now for the jelly in my knees

Just hold on…

Don’t tell me time will heal a heartache
I’ve heard it all before
In whispers through a closing door

Don’t tell me there’s plenty others out there
I’m all alone in here
No fishing off a desert pier

Don’t tell me lies
Don’t tell me lies

Show me faithfulness in fishnets, in lipstick I-love-yous
Show you broken homes and heavens in someone else’s shoes

Don’t tell me next time will be different - it always ends the same
No rules and someone else’s game

Don’t tell me what I need to do now - I don’t know what I done
This isn’t clear to anyone

(Chris Becker)

Dream Machine

Light beams are flashing around me
Playing on my eyelids
Light seems like it surrounds me
And I see panoramic…

Views of color that I’ve never seen
I can feel patterns all around me
Dreaming without sleep
If I look in the dream machine

Light frees inventions inside of me
Feeds me like a drug
Time seems like it doesn’t bother me
May never open my eyes…

Again I see colors that I’ve never seen
I can feel patterns all around me
Dreaming without sleep
If I look in the dream machine

Who started this nightmare
Who started this light spinning
Black and white pictures
Of colorless flames are burning
Burning the eyes of motionless moonlit faces
As we climb to the tops of the radio towers
The colors grow sour, And wilt like a flower
Dreaming without sleep If I look in the dream machine
Dreaming without sleep I see what I don’t want to see

(Charles Dusel)

Fall Like An Anchor

In the cold of this ship there are demons
I thought I left at my home
I’m just passing the time
I’ve been up all night keeping some hope alive of the shore

What if we fall off the edge of the earth
What if we sail to the end
Of anything that’s ever been done before
And it pulls us in

Fall like an anchor into the sea
Fall like an anchor to me
Fall like an anchor into my heart
Steady me

There’s a sun rising up over the silent sea
With an endless horizon in sight
There’s a chill in my lungs and there’s salt in the air
And my arms want to hold you so tight

Wind’s picking up and the water’s are crashing
Waves don’t have much sympathy
I’m keeping watch off the side of this vessel
But there’s nothing to see

And we fall off
The edge of everything
And we’re weightless fighting gravity
And we look down
And the stars are below our feet
And we sail on into the night

(Charles Dusel)

fine, well

the drag coefficient slows us all down
running in circles parallel to the ground
two and five candles glow in her eyes
lost all my laughter, good reason to cry

the plane cracks as it falls
too many lives have been stalled
the window seat brings that picture to me, from below

I hate my job, but it gives me some cash
cash that I spend, cash that I blow

I’ve blown it on cars, blown it on toys
blown it on booze, blown it on you

I am not fine, I am not well
I am not pleased, to be dining in hell

the days they whimper, the sure do cry
as I hum softly the songs of mine
songs full of sadness and songs full of hope
sadness grows stronger, it’s taken control

(Matt Swanekamp)

Fools Gold Dreams

Old man with your face full of fire
With threaded strands and twisted wire
All around the corners the corners of your mouth
Old man with your eyes so cold
Like there’s a thought that your hands can’t hold
As you stare through me
What do you see in the water

There’s a pile of fools gold
In every story you’ve been told
And you’ve got nothing left to show for all your dreaming
And like a soldier you don’t quit
Like if you kept believing it
You could make up for what you lost with what you found

Old man there’s a small half smile
That brings a flash in your eye a conversation inside
That you hold onto you hold onto tight
Old man you can see her now
If not her face her charm
If not her hands and arms
The things she held on the things she held onto tight
Her smile shines the brightest

(Charles Dusel)

Imperfection

out of shape, overweight, hairs not combed, beard is 2 months grown
car is old, my house is cold, socks have holes in all the soles of them

I have reached imperfection

forget our dates, paper plates, can’t afford nice gifts and make you wait
drink too much, out of touch, impatient angry and always in a rush

I have reached imperfection

(Matt Swanekamp)

Kyrie

Smiles - impossibly thin, ticker-tack-tops running out of spin
Rings - on fingers of kings, sipping on spirits for needful things

-and still-

We decay, we decay, we decay - kyrie

Hush - the silence of sound, madness and melodies underground
So I’ll tend the air with dust and despair; I know you all will meet me there

-I swear-

We decay, we decay, we decay - kyrie

So lie a dying wish to me, some bit of charity to have and hold
Against your senescence, my staggering defense to not lose hope
You live to hear me pray, choking back tear-sand-laughter to say

We decay, we decay, we decay - kyrie

(Chris Becker)

Parallel Lives

Look please, don’t you see or I might cease to be a wave - I just might behave
Cut my life in half and laugh when I never die

Show me a better way
Tell me a story that haunts today
Chain me to subtle states
Chain me down

Perfect intersection of the intellect in time, line by line
Somewhere this makes sense in tense and turns, but no one learns

Show me a better way
Tell me a story that haunts today
Chain me to subtle states
Chain me down

Meet me, meet me in a parallel world

It’s all parallel worlds and parallel lives, don’t even know myself
shot down and buried, one sip of sherry away
well I know I, I promised I would never die, but now,
the tears are in your eyes

(Chris Becker)

Reaching Out My Hand Again

Is this my fault?
Believe me, it’s not the way I planned
To fall so short
And leave you, with an empty open hand

Did I let go?
And if so, am I still falling?
How would you know
You said so, you said you couldn’t figure me out

What can I do?
I’m reaching out my hand again
Can I undo
The things that I neglected to

How could you
Believe in me
When all I’ve ever given you is a reason why you should leave

Why you should
Why you should
Leave

(Charles Dusel)

Tail Held High

Your catnip’s gonna make me chase my tail again
A twitch and then a sidelong glance in your direction
But then again

When is it the last time you’re gonna give my teeth and claws away?

WITH YOUR TAIL HELD HIGH

But when is it the last time you’re gonna give my teeth and claws away?
When is it the last time… you’ll go and give, go and give my teeth and claws away?

Well I am just a smitten kitten with inflection… so come and play
But when is it the last time you’re gonna give my teeth and claws away?
When is it the last time you’re gonna give my teeth and claws away…

(Chris Becker)

Thoughts of a Ghost

Ghost in my window
Tapping on the glass you call my name
Whispering so low
I’m all alone but for your company
You say

Stop breathing cause breathing’s dying
Don’t believe your lying eyes
What you could touch isn’t what you’re feeling
Your hands are the disguise
Stop trying cause trying’s failing
Your futures like a spider’s web
You hang your hopes with threads of feelings
Blowing in the wind

Ghost on my shoulder
I feel your warmth as you hover near
You’re drawing closer
I close my eyes and let you in my head
You say

(Charles Dusel)

Spark & Fade

Brown Eyes

Watching you from above
An angel in the fifth row
Black glasses to hide
And a smile divine
Your brown eyes shown like the sun

No eating no sleeping for me
Sunday replayed in my mind
A smile goodbye
While inside I die
And next week can’t come too soon

You are woman, And you are cold

I brought you flowers last week
Will you call me tonight
It’s busy it’s late
Can’t talk and can’t wait
Who will say goodnight to me

You you tortured my soul
And I I tortured yours too
Sorry can’t say
Or take away
That your brown eyes shown like the sun

(Matt Swanekamp)

Digitalis

She’s a stem purple flowers at the end
A bouquet of tragedy
Sweet to smell like a thousand singing bells
Trumpets calling out to me

And I feel much warmer when you’re by me
And I feel the touch of everything

If you leave my side
I wont make it through the night
Your beauty’s deadly, I don’t mind
If you leave my side
Then you leave me here to die
The digitalis holds me tight

She’s a dream and she’s whispering to me
Slows my pulse as I sleep
When I wake I can never be the same
Everything’s yellow and green

And I feel much warmer when you’re by me
And I feel the touch of everything

If you leave my side
I wont make it through the night
Your beauty’s deadly, I don’t mind
If you leave my side
Then you leave me here to die
The digitalis holds me tight

And I feel much warmer when you’re by me
And I feel the touch of everything
And I feel like I could love much stronger
And I want to feel that way again
it holds me… puts it’s arms around me… and pulls me in

(Charles Dusel)

Lucky Clover

I’ve heard it isn’t worth it over and over
The stains you never left here drench me in clover

I know I’m out of season – what else could I be
But if I lack a reason surely you know me

Ooooo, let down

Everything feels like intoxication, and everything feels so real
Everything feels like days of waiting, and everything feels like now

I see it’s slowly fading and was it ever
Even your lucky clover won’t make you clever

I’ve never felt so intoxicated, and I’ve never felt so real
I’ve never felt like I’ve been waiting, and I’ve never felt somehow

You can’t block it out with silence, where were the voices
It’s in your failure that the world rejoices

Ooooo, ‘round town

Well, finally feels like realization, and I’ve never felt so real
I’ve never felt like I’ve been waiting, and I’ve never felt somehow

(Music: Matt Swanekamp, Lyrics: Chris Becker)

Never Too Late

Shine, voice of mine, light up her ears
Sharpen her insight and give her new fears

And you, you never knew - That I, I never come through

But it’s never too late
It’s never too late

Signs of our times never so clear
(But) you fill your mind with what you want to hear

And I, how could I know - That you, you never let go

But it’s never too late
It’s never too late
It’s never too late

I am a voice, asking will you hear what I’m saying

Lines, drawn too fine pulling at tears
All in frustration at wasting our years

So see, these lives that we share - Will be our crosses to bear

With glassine eyes, it’s no surprise, you refuse your fate

But it’s never too late
It’s never too late
It’s never too late

I am a voice, asking will you hear what I’m saying
If it’s let me go, let me be let free, let me down easy

(Chris Becker)

Spark and Fade

There’s a tear in the atmosphere
Were the souls of men escape
There’s a life flowing in the air

I’ll set all my nets for tomorrow
And catch them like fireflies
This light full of magic and sorrow
A pulse and a spark and it dies

Clouds are ships that never land
Ghosts of greater things now forgotten
All they are is written in my hands

I’ll set a new course for tomorrow
And fold all this paper to fly
A blue sky a blank canvas to write on
With all I’ve been keeping inside

I’ll connect all the dots inside of my head
I’ll collect all the thoughts I thought were dead
And put them in this jar
And I’ll watch them all glow and the fire it grows
They’re the hopes that I’ve lost and the dreams I don’t know
Flicker off and on
Growing fainter when you’ve gone… away

(Charles Dusel)

Moment Arm

And I

and i'll be your shoulder to cry on
i'll make the bed that you die on
and i love you...you...

and i have loved you
and i will love you

and i'll be your strength when you need it
you may give up but i wont quit

and i love you

(Chris Becker)

Brother Love

silence breeds confusion and i'm unwell today
i swallowed the illusion and now i'm going to pay

and every time i shut the door might be the last time
and every time i say no more it's not a damn crime

every time you say goodbye i die a little more
i wont lie that i'm afraid of something more in store

call it what you will - when push comes to shove
i'll be there for you - because of brother love

i doubt that you still care, but, i know i always will
i fight to force my eyes shut until my heart is still

and everytime you walk away you step around me
and everytime i say please stay, i say it feely

you're still a friend to me

(Chris Becker)

Close My Eyes

i got a fried who lost the will to try
oh the world could be his if he opened his eyes
but he closed his eyes

close his eyes and wait for tomorrow
close his eyes and wait for tomorrow
close his eyes and pray for today

i got a girl she's a queen to me
locked in her tower just waiting to be freed

i am a boy afraid to be a man
i know that i'm older but i just don't understand

(Matt Swanekamp)

Cope and Drag

face (the) facts
fast, relax
(it's) right in front of your face
it's just a step away

sun sets
acid threats
let's get out of this place
come back another day...

quit your cryin
it's do or dyin

fast dash
in a flash
see the trouble you sowed
the life you'll never know

tires slash
gonna crash
you're all over the road
but what a way to go

(Chris Becker)

Deliver Me

see me in your dreams and then i'm gone again - believe me
didn't i warn you and didn't i touch your heart
close your eyes i hear you're shouting lies again - deceive me
didn't i warn you and didn't it fall apart

[but] i'm hoping your touch can deliver me, from hell

and i'll see you on the other side
you set the rules and i'll abide
and i'll see you on the other side
you set the rules...

all the things you do and all the things you say - beneath me
tellin yourself that you're something but you're not
prying praying you may open up today - release me
tie yourself tighter to everything you've got

[and] i'm locking myself in a memory, of hell
but i'm hoping your touch can deliver me, from hell

(Chris Becker)

Faith

trying not to think about what's left of yesterday
try to find the words for all the things i have to say
not sure where i'm going but feel free to tag along
put your faith in me and i would never lead you wrong

my fingertips are bleeding, there's a shine across my brow
pushing myself harder than my body will allow
through it all repeating "she'll be worth the pain someday"
it's only when you're lost that you can truly find your way

last one in is a rotten egg
and i am rotten

am i bored with life or is it life that's bored with me
nights of lying crying - i'm insane it's plain to see
would you hold me by the hand or hold me to my word
or would you lead me by myself because i'm self-assured

(Becker / Swanekamp)

Last Day At School

sonny was a great man, he ran away from home
he left it for america, and now he's all alone

and it's the last day of school
this is the last day of school

dicorso was a strange one, he really liked his shorts
he listened to our music, and graded our reports

racecar guy's the master of the single handed wave
his gameboy drove him crazy, cause he forgot to save

charles met a woman, and she became his wife
there's nothing like a female, to brighten up your life

dempsey was an old man, a little bit insane
who would have thought a magazine could get inside your brain

(Becker / Swanekamp)

LoTrac

driving my car, wind in my hair
don't know where i'm going, but i'll know when i get there

speedin', music bleedin' out the window
livin', lovin' life, is this life? i just don't know

left it all behind - i was losing my mind
true i lost a lot, but i gotta lot to find

all my petty worries drop away
i'm living in tomorrow cause i can't stand yesterday

dust trail - headin out west
all night - i never rest

people try to drown me in their fake sympathy
i feel sorry for them cause they aren't as free as me

engine's running hot, i'm running out of gas
this car is all i got, how did this come to pass?
i miss the lazy days, when i didn't have to flee
driving through a haze with all that's dear to me
i'd like to slow it down, for a year or maybe two
well, goodbye border town
i'm just passing through

(Becker / Swanekamp)

Lucky Blue

lucky blue where are you now
in the fields and crossing roads
in the sky and in my mind
don't go (home)
you didn't say goodbye

lucky blue don't sing too loud
you're a voice lost in a crowd
i promise you your turn will come
don't stop (now)
you wouldn't want to choke

hold you in my hand
use you like a tool
hope you understand
but lucky, you're no fool

toss you to the floor
i'm leaving you behind
don't need you anymore
i'm sorry i lost my mind

lucky blue from yesteryear
knows your voice but it's unclear
i will always hold you dear
someday (soon)
it will be overdone

lazy circles in my mind - and could i let you go?
i could find another face - i wish it wasn't so
roll away and fall, forget about it

(Becker / Swanekamp)

Tirani

cross my heart, hope to live
dreams of mine, are mine to give

close your mind, curse the flame
fight your fears but we're the same

we are one in the same
we fall further in shame
we are one in the same

time will pass, wounds will heal
all in vain the pain was real

here we are, tear in eye
ash to ash the last to die

were they readt to die?
were they living a lie?
was i willing to die?

(Becker / Swanekamp)

Tumbleweed

fell into an endless hole, today
found it hidin in my soul, he'd say
lazy life will take a toll, truly

tumbleweeds

who are you to push me down?
who are you to push me
wouldn't want to break my crown
wouldn't want to break...me...

is this any way to be, upset
you made a mess of this, regret
better leave it up to me, not yet

saw it on a sunny day, one time
didn't know i knew the way, but i've
come to show a little shame, no crime

(Becker / Swanekamp)